Updated: Jan 13, 2020
I have a guest post for you today, friends! You will absolutely LOVE my sweet friend Erin Daniel + hearing a bit more about her story (and, I bet you just might see yourself in some of her words <3).
And with no further ado.... meet Erin! : )
Have you ever felt stuck, unable to move forward, confused about what to do next?
Have you recently experienced a loss of a relationship, friendship or marriage? Maybe you’ve recently experienced a lot of disappointment, or maybe you have felt like a doormat in your relationships…always saying yes??
Sister, I see you. I have personally felt the pain of lost relationships, disappointments and feeling like the backup plan AND the doormat in my friendships. But can I share something with you? Now is YOUR TIME to take a step forward, and put some boundaries in place.
You might have actually just taken a huge sip of coffee and are asking yourself:
“How in the world can I take that step forward when my feet feel like they are stuck in dried cement?”
“I feel so taken advantage of by my friends, how in the world do I stop being a doormat?”
“How can I get passed the loss of this relationship when I haven’t experienced closure?”
“There has just been so much disappointment lately, how in the world can I open myself up to new experiences?”
Friends, a few weeks ago, I was asking similar questions during my clarity call with Alexandra, and goodness, the knowledge she shared with me was so helpful.
I don’t know about you, but I am the type of person that knows when I need to make changes, but I get emotionally or sometimes physically stuck. My brain will tell my heart that it is time to move on. My brain yells all the way down to my feet to put one foot in front of the other and walk forward…but for some reason I can’t move.
The feeling of becoming overwhelmed by wanting to move forward is so powerful, that I can feel emotionally paralyzed.
I expressed to Alexandra my readiness and willingness to move forward, even if it made me uncomfortable. The truth is, it is really nice to have someone in your corner, cheering you on, offering you some steps to take, and coaching you through some of life’s sticky moments.
My biggest obstacle that I brought to our coaching call was my inability to say no. If you know the enneagram, I am a 6…a loyalist that always says yes…even when I know I should be offering a gracious no.
I am very loyal to my people, and yes, I will go down with the ship. I hang on to relationships and HOPES of relationships for far too long, and let’s be real here, logically those traits can be detrimental to my emotional being. Y’all I have been with AT&T since they were Suncom…haha!! I mean if that doesn’t prove me loyalty what will??? LOL!
When it comes to offering a gracious no, biggest fear is that I would have disappointment someone to the point of them not liking me anymore. Security issues much? Hello type 6! LOL!
I wasn’t expecting the sense of relief that I felt talking this through with Alexandra. There was zero judgement, but instead healthy, positive steps FORWARD that I could take. It was like a breath of fresh air.
One of the biggest and most impactful questions she asked me was, “What do you gain from saying no?”
Of course, my first response was to cringe a little. The thought of saying no made me feel really uneasy, and super awkward.
But then I actually thought about the question that Alexandra asked me, “What do you gain from saying no?”
A plate that is not overflowing.
More control over my life.
Confidence in standing up for myself, and not feeling that I always have to say yes.
Less anxiety and frustration.
Since my clarity call with Alexandra, I have thought a lot about what it means for me to put some boundaries in place…not to cut people off, but to protect my heart.
The idea of setting boundaries used to make me feel guilty, but I am learning that boundaries are actually REALLY good! You can actually set limits and still be a loving, caring person.
I used to think that it was my responsibility to make people happy, to to say yes to them all the time, and to give, give give. I didn’t want to leave friends or family disappointed in me. I was raised to believe that a good Christian girl was to always say yes to someone asking for help.
I recently read The Best Yes by Lysa Terkerst and she speaks about the power of saying no, and saving our best yeses. Lysa tells a story about her struggle with saying yes to a possible house guest. She shares the steps she took in making this decision, and she ultimately said no. Lysa shares that sometimes it is not our job to say yes to others. Sometime our gracious no will provide our friends the ability to experience God’s good work and HIS plan. That was mind blowing for me! And a relief….I am NOT responsible for everyone!
When you learn to make better decisions, you will live a better life. But sometimes we need a little extra help to gain clarity on our next steps in our journey forward. I am so extremely happy to have had to opportunity to have a clarity call with Alexandra!
Sister, whatever you are feeling stuck with, I pray that you find the courage to move forward.
Erin inspires creative mamas to live a life of purpose, wellness, abundance and beauty. While encouraging each woman she comes in contact with to live the life God intended for her, with confidence. She homeschools their 3 kids, runs a local photography business, runs an oily business, and she’s currently enrolled in aromatherapy school. Erin and her family currently reside in the Southeastern corner of Virginia, in the not so small city of Hampton Roads.
She encourages her friends to not look at the “fancy” hats she wears, but to look deeper and see that she is real. Erin faces real, everyday struggles, and she’s constantly striving to be a better version of herself.
Connect with Erin across social media at these links:
Lavender Lane Wellness:
Erin K Daniel:
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